You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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