like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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