while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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