He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
