he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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