1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
