its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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