i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
