Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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