I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
