i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
