The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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