if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
