He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
