Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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