Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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