I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Come see our sink grown plant.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
