like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just had sex on a roof
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
