So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
