One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
