Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
