So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
