It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
