Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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