Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
