why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't put those talents on a resume
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
