i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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