but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
