bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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