You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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