Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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