he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
