He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize