feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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