thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
