I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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