Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
