I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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