OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
