But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
