dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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