Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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