Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
