wat bout pragnant strippers??
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
