Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
