Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
