I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
