took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
