the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The best revenge is premature balding
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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