How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I intend to get homeless drunk
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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