Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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