and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
