Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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