you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
