Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A+ Viking dick
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
