I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
