wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
