No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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