I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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