So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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