i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
