You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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