This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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