I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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