I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
