I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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