Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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