She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
