Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
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dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.