I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
