We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after