tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
