i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
