I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
