All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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