You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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