A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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