I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
