So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
