After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will be naked everywhere
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
