Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
