all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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