I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
