i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
