I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
a search helicopter?!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
