I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
