it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think my moral compass just broke
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