you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
