she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
